


Lost and Found

by rosegardenlake



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Happy Ending, Hurt and comfort, M/M, Married Sheith, after the series, allurance, there is adashi, there is minor friskiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 08:54:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16385060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosegardenlake/pseuds/rosegardenlake
Summary: Keith's birthdays had been cold and lonely for so many years.  Things are different now.  He has Shiro now.





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: This was titled "Gone." at first, but then I changed it when I decided to add a second part. ;)

When Keith was little, he was warm.  He was so small, he fit comfortably right in his father’s lap, wrapped tightly in the safety of his arms.  It was Keith’s place of refuge. His place of comfort. He was happy there.

His father used to make him the best cakes.  Chocolate - Keith’s favorite, with rich creamy frosting and fresh strawberries lining the top.  He’d let Keith lick the spoon as they watched it bake together in the oven. The smell was like magic, wafting all around the room and hanging around them for the rest of the night.

Pulled right out of the oven, still warm with the edges crisped just so, Keith’s father would sit the cake down at the table, grin on his face, and let Keith crawl up onto his lap.  He’d push a candle into the center of the cake and it would warm the room so gently.  It was in that light that Keith's dad would whisper, voice full of emotion, “Happy birthday, Keith. If your mother were here, she’d be so proud of you. She would love this.  She would love you. _So_ much.”

Maybe she would’ve, but Keith wouldn’t know.  He wanted to know, but something on his father’s face barred him from asking the question.  He was fine anyway, with his father wrapping him in a warm hug, pressing his face into Keith’s hair.  If things could just stay like that, everything would be okay.

“Happy birthday, Keith,” he’d whisper as he’d press a kiss to the back of Keith’s head.  Back then, Keith didn’t understand the tears that fell from his father’s face. All he knew was that he was loved.  That he was warm. That he was held. “Happy birthday.”

Keith loved his dad.  He loved him so much. He thought that he’d have this forever.  That he could be happy forever.

And then his dad was dead.

He was just gone.  Just like that.

One second, he was there, and then the next...?

No one held Keith after that.

“You have to be strong, Keith,” everyone at the orphanage said the first birthday without his dad.  “Things will get better.”

And then, the next year, “You have to behave, Keith.  Just hang in there.”

And finally, as he grew, “You have to stop being like this.  You’re going nowhere.”

Keith’s heart was like an empty void.  Maybe if he had the strength to look inside his chest, he could peel away the bones and see the ice inside, where his heart should be.  But he didn’t feel anything anymore, nothing besides despair. He was numb to all else.

Nothing.  There was nothing for him.  The cakes his father made him on each birthday could only ever be memories.  The tears that fell from his father’s face that maybe he’d never understand...that strange denial that maybe his father would come back somehow...the words that would play in his head night after night, rising to one horrible peak on his birthday to drown him, “she loves you, Keith,” his father had always whispered.  “Your mother loves you. I love you. I always will.”

Keith just wished he could squash the memories from his mind, twist them between his hands and drown the remains until they were washed clean.  These memories only hurt. These memories only strangled.

His parents loved him?  So where the hell were they...?  Keith was always alone.

A birthday would come and go...and still, there was no cake, no candle with warm light.  Keith’s arms were cold. No one held him. No one loved him.

Where was she?  Where was anyone?  Anyone. He’d take anyone.  Anything would do. He was just...so...cold.  So lost. What was the point in being anything?  What was the point in seeking anything?

But it was without seeking that Keith found, in the form of the person, someone as warm as the sun.  He hadn’t felt its rays in years.

His name was Shiro.

 

Keith wakes one morning feeling strange.  It’s like he’s forgotten something. Nothing critical, nothing like that.  It’s just a bit of a tug in the back of his mind. Some subtle sort of nagging.

“What’s up?”  He hears a voice ask him from behind.

“Huh?”  He’s walking through the hallways, distant, trying to think of what it was.  He smiles as he sees the person standing there, face open and bright as it always is.

“...Shiro,” Keith says softly, fondness impossible to squash from his voice.  “Fancy seeing you here.”

“I’m filling in for someone.  I’ll be teaching right next door.”

Keith purses his lips as he watches Shiro.  His everlasting friendly face is there, as it always is, lighting up the day.  Keith wonders if it’s special for him, or if it’s just there by default for everyone.

Keith clears his throat.  “Anyway, nothing’s up. I just have this feeling I forgot something.  An assignment maybe? I checked my planner though... I don’t think it’s that...”  He murmurs as he stares hard into the floor. He shrugs it off. “It’s probably fine.  What about you? Still fighting with Adam?”

“Hm?”  Shiro raises his eyebrows in feigned innocence.  “Us? Fighting?”

“Don’t play coy,” Keith rolls his eyes and nods them forward, continuing their walk down the hallways.  “You didn’t talk to him once during lunch. He looked over like three times with that pathetic puppy eyed look he always does when he wants you to forgive him.”

“He did...?”  Shiro murmurs lowly, crinkling his nose and sighing.  He crosses his arms.

“You’re fighting.”

“We might be fighting, yeah,” Shiro sighs heavily again.  “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. It happens.”

“Mm.  I’m not a kid,” Keith mutters.  “I know. Fights happen.”

“Yes.  They do...”  But Shiro trails off, his eyes going a little distant.  The brightness in them dims. The kindness that’s always there wears.  He looks sad.

Keith hates that.  Shiro should never feel that way.

“Hey.  I know what we can do,” Keith says, nudging Shiro’s arm gently.  “Let’s race today. You and me. Right through the desert plains.  How about it? We haven’t gone in awhile. You’re probably getting all _rusty_.”

Shiro snorts, and though he’s smiling, the sound is still put out.  “That’s uh, actually exactly what Adam and I are fighting about right now.”

“What?”  Keith blinks, affronted.  “Racing?”

“No.  Not the racing.  Not really, anyway.”

“Going out in the desert?”  Keith is frowning, trying to piece everything together.

“No, Keith.  Nevermind. Forget I said anything.”

Keith keeps frowning.

Shiro heaves a dramatic sigh.  “Don’t worry, don’t worry. One day, when you’re older, you’ll understand.  But right now...?” Shiro groans, trying to stretch the tension out of his shoulders.  “Adam’s going to have to deal with it.”

“Deal with what...?”

Shiro turns his eyes on Keith with a warm little fire starting in them.  “...Yeah,” he says, avoiding Keith’s question. “Let’s race today. I’ve been practicing a new move.  I can’t wait until you see it. It’s going to blow your mind.”

“What?  Really? Can you teach me?  I’m ready!”

Shiro laughs.  “You haven’t even seen it yet.  But yeah, sure, of course. I’ll teach you.  You’re _Keith_.”

Shiro says Keith’s name like it’s something special to him.

Keith grins, and somehow, that nagging in the back of his head calms a bit.

He remembers it when he has a few free hours to kill before Shiro’s class ends.  He’s sitting on his bed, finished with all his homework and staring blankly into his planner when his eyes catch on the date.  He doesn’t realize what’s so significant about the date, just that the numbers mean something. It’s not until the dread fills his stomach with that horrible cold plunging pain that Keith realizes...it’s his birthday.

Darkness fills his head like a cloud.  His heart sinks. His birthday is just a reminder of all the people he wishes he had, all the warmth he had once felt but now lies dead and cold six feet beneath the ground.  It reminds him of how lonely he is.

He hates birthdays.  He hates how everyone else loves them.  He hates how much he hates them. He wants that warmth too and it kills him that he can’t have it.

He sniffs and tells himself to get a damn grip.

It’s just a day, just like any other day.  He’s made it through almost half of it and he was fine.  If he can just pretend...

His tablet pings and he looks at the message from Shiro.

_Done with class.  Going back to my place to change.  Text you when I’m ready_.

...At least there’s this.  Keith couldn’t ask for more really.  At least there’s Shiro.

Yeah...  Shiro.

Only, Keith sits there, waiting for his message.  He waits a little longer...and a little longer still.  It’s taking a crazy long amount of time for just a simple change.  Keith bites at his lip.

He could message Shiro and ask, but somehow, it feels like it’d be easier for Shiro to tell him ‘no’ that way.  Keith doesn’t feel like he can take a ‘no’ right now, so he goes in person. It’ll help take his mind off things anyway.

Keith knocks on Shiro’s door.  “Shiro?” he calls when there’s no answer.  “ _Shiro_.”

The amount of times Shiro has told Keith to just come in makes Keith feel like it’s alright to just push the door open.  But he immediately wishes he hadn’t.

Shiro and Adam are sitting at the counter, leaning into each other’s space.  Their hands are held tightly. Their foreheads are pressed together. It’s intimate.  And Keith’s intruding.

Looks like they made up...

They catch sight of Keith in their peripheral and Shiro blinks over at him in surprise.  “Oh... Oh, hey, Keith,” he says, his tone brightening as he remembers himself. “Sorry. I forgot to message you again.  I forgot you were waiting.”

Forgot.

Shiro forgot about him.

Somehow this feels like a new sort of betrayal, even though Shiro doesn’t know, can’t know that it’s Keith’s birthday.

Not that anyone owes Keith anything.  It’s not about that. He just... He just...

That cold that Keith fights so hard to keep away settles into his chest cavity and fills his stomach as he breathes in the air of Shiro and Adam’s apartment.

He forces himself to draw more air into his lungs.  “Looks like you two made up,” he manages to say in a normal tone.

“Yeah.  I...” Shiro chuckles softly, his eyes warm again as he looks up at Adam.  There are things he wants to say, but not in this company. Not in front of Keith.

...Keith’s intruding.  Like he always is. The place that had been his, held tightly in his father’s arms, is gone.  There’s nowhere for him.

Shiro can smile and befriend Keith all he wants, but still, Shiro’s place is here.

And Keith...  Keith’s on his own.

“Raincheck, buddy?”  Shiro hums to Keith. “I’ll make it up to you.”

Keith tries to keep the disappointment out of his face but knows he hasn’t succeeded when even Adam looks at him with pity.  It’s sticky. It makes Keith so bitter. “Sure. Yeah. Okay.”

“I’m sorry,” Shiro says and he hesitates.  “...You okay?”

Keith could say it.  He could guilt Shiro into it.   _It’s my birthday and it’s a shitty day for me and I don’t want to be alone and I was really hoping we could spend it together_.  Hell, he’d even take Adam.

He knows Shiro and Adam are good people.  They’d invite him in. They’d probably try to bake him something.  And maybe Keith could feel that bit of warmth. That small flicker of happiness on this day he always dreads, this day that reminds him of everything bad.

But Keith can’t do that to him.  He can’t corner Shiro. Shiro has his happiness here already.  Keith’s just extra baggage.

“I’m good,” Keith nods firmly, turning around.  He taps his finger against their wall, stalling at the door.  He doesn’t want to be alone. “...I’m, uh, I’m happy you two made up.  I told you it was nothing.”

Shiro chuckles wearily.  “Yeah. See you, Keith.”

“Yeah,” Keith whispers back.  “See you...”

The door closes behind him and he’s alone.  Distantly, down the hallway, he can hear the sound of people laughing.  Friends. Two different people that are comfortable with each other. Two different people who can share secrets, who can trust the other, who would celebrate the other.  Keith turns in their direction. It hurts to hear.

...He shouldn’t sulk.  He knows this. He’s being so stupid.  A birthday isn’t even a physical thing.  If he had forgotten, he wouldn’t have been affected.

But he hadn’t forgotten.

He slowly walks back to his room, head down, that dark feeling of heart sickness drowning him slowly.

He just stands there, alone in his room, feeling worse by the second.  It’s like there’s a temperature gauge inside his chest that’s quickly dropping.  It’s like he’s been plunged into a frozen lake.  He has to learn how to keep himself afloat.  He can celebrate today by himself. All he needs is a cake, a candle, and warmth.  That’s all a birthday is, isn’t it?

So he makes the cake.  He’s not as good as his dad, but he knows the recipe.  It’ll do.  He nibbles the chocolate off the spoon as he sits in front of the oven by himself and waits for the cake to bake.

It looks good.  He turns the lights down and gets a candle.  He sticks it into the top. He pulls a blanket over his shoulders and hugs it to himself tightly.  Then, he sits on the edge of the bed, pulls the table close to himself, and stares down at it.

Everything about it is right.  But...

It’s...

...It’s...

No.  He still feels cold.

He scoots back in his bed, reaching out of his blankets to grab his comforter and he tugs it over himself, trying to bundle himself, trying to find some sort of comfort.

But there’s none to be had.  His heart thumps uncomfortably in his chest and he wonders why it keeps trying.  Why _he_ keeps trying.

He closes his eyes.  He presses his lips together.  He tries to pretend.

“Happy birthday,” his father would say and he thinks he can feel it.  He thinks he recognizes the warmth that’s pressed against his back. He remembers the protection of his father holding him close.

“Happy birthday, Keith.”  And he’d feel his father’s tears in his hair as he pretended he didn’t cry, as he pretended that he didn’t miss the warmth he had felt once when Keith’s mother was around, that was gone for him too.

Maybe his mother would’ve loved him...if she were here.  Maybe she’d be warm and sturdy, like his father. Maybe Keith would find solace in her arms.

Keith doesn’t know.

Maybe, one day, Shiro would turn from Adam and look at Keith.  Maybe Keith could be what Shiro needs. Maybe that sun could be his.

But today is not that day.

Today is cold and harsh and unforgiving.  Today, Keith feels the tears running down his cheeks.

He wants to believe there’s hope for a world that’s _his_ , that his place isn’t gone, that, one day, things will be better.

But how can they be when it’s so cold like this?  He shivers.

“Happy birthday,” he whispers to himself, words trembling on his lips.

“Happy birthday...”  He tastes the salt on his lips.  Feels the wetness running down his face.

“...Happy birthday...”

Slowly, he opens his eyes.  The candle’s light is warm and golden.  In this darkness, it feels like it should mean something.

Keith is overheating beneath the blankets, but, somehow, he’s still cold.

He misses being happy.  He doesn’t know what that’s like anymore.

He reaches out, hand trembling in the light.

The candle’s flame flickers.  It's the only light left, dancing in the air, taunting him.

He snuffs it out.

Gone.


	2. Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't actually going to write this second part. Birthdays are never that great for me and sometimes I get a little bitter over them, haha.
> 
> But it didn't feel right just leaving that for Keith. So here we go.

Keith wakes with a start, real panic filling his chest, spiking out through his veins and burning at his fingertips.  His breath is just everywhere, scattering from his lungs and cutting in nonsensical slashes through the room; he can’t catch it.  He digs his nails into his chest as he fights to balance himself.

“ _Shiro_ ,” he calls through the darkness of their room and into their house.  God, he’s burning. His system feels so overloaded, he thinks he’s going to pass out.  “ _Shiro_!”

No one responds.  He’s alone.

 _Pilot Error_ burns through his vision, taking priority and Keith spares a hand to press at his eyes to rub it away.

He’s that boy again.  Volatile and angry and alone and the death of Shiro feels raw and fresh, pressed into his heart.  He can’t breathe.

“Shiro’s okay,” he whispers to himself, grabbing at his throat roughly.  “He’s fine now. He’s alright. He’s okay.” But he grabs his phone from his nightstand and dials Shiro’s number anyway.

It rings and rings.  As he waits, Keith stares around their room they share together, at the pictures of them in each other’s arms, grinning happily and celebrating this life they’re living side-by-side.  He lets these pieces of familiarity calm him. Everything’s okay now. Everything’s _been okay_ , the war is over.  They can lead peaceful lives now.

Keith digs his grip into their sheets as Shiro’s voicemail picks up.

“Shiro,” Keith mutters, allowing himself to sound as weary and grey as he feels.  To Shiro, he can show his vulnerabilities. “When you get this, can you call me back?  I... I had another one of those dreams. I’m alright, I’m just...I want to talk to you.  I love you.”

He stays there in bed for a moment, rubbing at his face and staring blankly at the wall.

He doesn’t want to be that boy again.  He doesn’t want to remember these things.  He’s spent all these years trying to separate himself from feeling like this.  He’s usually successful.

There’s a pit in his gut that remains though, filling with more and more dread.  He feels it starting to tighten at the base of his throat, threatening to pull him under.  He’s hoping Shiro will call him back quickly, like he always does, but he guesses today isn’t his lucky day.

He forces himself out from the warmth of his bed and drags himself downstairs.

Kosmo immediately runs from the kitchen and nudges at Keith with an anxious push of his nose.  He leads him over to his food bowl and stares intensely at Keith.

Keith sighs and gets out the food.  “Did Shiro forget to feed you this morning, buddy?”  He hums. Usually the first person up feeds Kosmo. “What’s up with him today?  He didn’t wake me up to say goodbye either.” He sighs again. Loneliness begins to blossom in his chest and he quickly redirects his thoughts.  Shiro’s just busy.

Truth be told, Shiro’s perfect.  Living with him is perfect. Yeah, Shiro’s a shitty chef and Keith and him argue sometimes, but Keith understands what it’s like to live alone and he understands what it’s like to live in a place you hate, but this?  This is heaven. Keith knows how lucky he is.

But Keith is Keith.  He still has his old scars and sometimes they catch and snag and they can tear open a bit.  He scratches at the raw feeling pressed right beneath his sternum as he watches Kosmo eat. He turns back into the kitchen to hunt for food for himself when he sees Shiro’s already seen to that.  He’s been cooking...god... This could’ve ended badly. He takes the plate of mystery food and picks at it while he checks his phone, frowning into it again. It’s not like Shiro to not respond.

He calls Pidge.

She picks up, winded.  It sounds like she’s carrying something heavy.

“Hey -” she chokes out.

“Jesus, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just -”  She grunts and then there’s a loud crash and a sigh of relief.  “Hey. Sorry. I was trying to cook but you would _not believe_ how much of a disaster Matt’s kitchen is.  I can’t find anything in this shelving.”

“You?  Cook?”

“I know, it’s a miracle.  What’s up?”

“Uh...  Is Shiro there?  He’s not answering his phone and I remember him mentioning something about Matt last night...”

“Right.  Yeah. About the phone.  It’s broken.”

“Broken?”  Keith groans and rubs at his temples.  They just _got_ him a new one after he accidentally dropped it into an aquarium and killed it.  They’d been on a date. Keith had thought it was funny then, but _two_ in as many weeks?  God.

“Yeah.  He’s here.  He’s fine.” She calls out loudly and Keith has to hold the phone away.  “ _Shiro_.  It’s Keith!  Tell him how okay you are!”

“What?”

“ _It’s Keith_.  Tell him -”

“-Oh, it’s Keith?  Let me talk to him -”

“-No, no, no.  Nevermind.” She talks back into the receiver.  “See? He’s good. You still at home?”

“Yeah, um, can I talk to him?  I sort of -”

“-Sorry, Keith, you’re breaking up!  See you later!”

“Pidge, wait,”  He tries, but she’s already gone.  With an angry smash of his finger to the screen, he cancels out of the call.

God, he’s irritated.  He knows waking up on the wrong side of the bed probably didn’t help, but the tension inside of him just keeps winding and winding tighter and tighter by the second.

He checks his phone one more time to see if maybe he missed a call or text from Shiro - he knows Pidge said his phone broke, but _still_ \- and he notices the date blaring across the screen.

Oh.

Now he gets it.

It’s his birthday.

That familiar tug in his gut immediately spasms.  It’s a reflex. Purely that. He’s had a lot of shitty birthdays, that’s true.  There was a time when he truly believed he’d be alone for the rest of his life and it killed him, but he knows he’s not anymore.  The ring on his finger is Shiro’s promise of that, and the friends he always has at his side only helps to strengthen that fact.

He loves them and he knows they love him and he has had many birthdays now that he cherishes.  He’s a different person now than he was.

But he can’t help feel that tiny twinge of sadness in his stomach as he realized he woke alone this morning.  Shiro must’ve forgotten about his birthday. It’s not like him, but they’ve been changing things on the Atlas and Shiro’s been overloaded with calls and people needing his attention.  The poor guy probably doesn’t even know what month it is, let alone the actual date.

Keith knows he’s loved.  Guessing Shiro’s forgotten doesn’t kill him, but he just feels even more tired now, that little bit of hurt in his stomach tugging tenderly.  He wants to go back to bed.

It’s okay, he tries to tell himself.

It’s fine.

He shakes himself off and turns to retreat back to bed when there’s a knock at the door.  He ignores it at first until Lance yells from outside, “I _know_ you’re in there and I _know_ you’re pretending not to be there!  Open up before I dig through your garden for that extra key.”

Keith sighs and swings the door wide.  Lance and Allura stand there side-by-side, their newlywed glow still blazing like the damn sun.

“ _Hi_!”  Their energy is bright and chipper and shining.  It feels like a brick to the head and Keith can’t help the groan.  He needs sunglasses to deal with them. The migraine at the base of his head is screaming.

Keith rubs at his eyebrow.  “Guys... I’m sorry. I’m really not in the mood today.”

“Oh, come now, don’t be like that,” Allura says, grabbing him by one arm.

“Yeah!”  Lance grabs the other arm.  “It’s a beautiful day! The sun’s shining!  The sky is blue! Let’s go out!”

“What?”  Keith protests, trying unsuccessfully to yank his arms back.  “Guys! Seriously! I don’t want to go out! I have...things to do.”

“Yeah?  Like what?”  Lance challenges.

“Like...I don’t know...   _Things_.”

“Don’t say t.v.  Come on! Look, even Kosmo wants to go!  Don’t you, boy? Who’s a good boy?”

Kosmo wags his tail at the door, looking outside excitedly.  Lance is playing dirty. He knows Keith can’t say no to Kosmo.

Keith crinkles his nose at Lance.

“Oh, _come on_.  When was the last time you came with us to go shopping?”

“Please, Keith?”  Allura pleads with her big puppy dog eyes.  “I’d love it if you joined us. I haven’t seen you almost all week.  I’ve missed you.”

Goddammit.  He’s missed them too.

He lets himself be dragged.  “Uuuuugh, you guys suuuck.”

“That’s what I’m talking about!”  Lance hoots in victory.

“I don’t get why you guys need help going _shopping_.  If you both can’t figure out that much in your relationship, then I’m going to have to say, your marriage just might be doomed.”

“Funny, Keith,” Allura says patiently, arching an eyebrow to pin him with a look.

Lance snorts, still dragging Keith along like he’s afraid the second he lets him go, Keith will just sprint back to his house, slam the door shut, and never come out again.  He pats Keith on the arm. “Nah, I just need help carrying this chocolate fountain I got for cheap. I was trying my hand at bartering at that corner place that just moved in.  And I _won_ .  I was a little worried there for a minute though because he had the _scariest_ poker face, but guess who has an even scarier one?  Eh? Eh?”

When Keith just stares tiredly at him, Lance pokes his thumb to his chest.  “It was _me_.  But then I couldn’t carry it out the door.”

Keith groans.  “What the hell do you need a chocolate fountain for?”

“Uh, for the ultimate chocolate experience?  Duh!”

“God.”

“Thanks for coming, Keith,” Allura says softly, and Keith settles.

The pawn shop in the corner of the marketplace is shady, but people are already recognizing them and he forgot he’s still in his pajamas, so he steps inside with Lance.  He’s lucky he’s just wearing Shiro’s shirt and sweatpants - it can basically pass for day clothes - but still...he’s not in the mood for some article shit talking about him.  He rubs at his arms self consciously and curses Lance and Allura for forcing him out here. Kosmo just watches them happily.

The fountain is huge.  Stupidly huge. It has “Lance” written all over it and Keith doesn’t even have the energy to be surprised or roll his eyes at it.

“Where are you even going to put it?”  He closes his eyes in exasperation. He can’t believe Allura is actually allowing this monstrosity in her house.

“The kitchen?”  Lance says, looking to Allura for approval and she nods thoughtfully.

“The kitchen,” she says.

“You actually approved of this?”  Keith stares up at it. It towers over them and blots out the light.  It needs an entire room dedicated to it. “God, I’d kill Shiro if he brought something like this home.”

Lance sticks his tongue out at Keith.  “Well, lucky for me, Allura is much nicer and kinder than you.”

Keith snorts and positions himself on one side of it.  “Okay, let’s go then. I’m tired. I just want to crash.”

“You okay?”  Allura asks in concern.  “You look a little ill.”

“I’ll be fine.  Have you guys seen that new show that released the other week?  I think I’m just going to go home, lay out on the couch, and binge the hell out of it.”

She chuckles softly, nudging him out of the way and taking his side.  “Sounds like a plan. You step back. I’ve got this.”

“I can do it, Allura, I’m fine.”

“No, no, don’t be silly, I can handle it.”

“Yeah, we can handle it,” Lance says, tilting his head so he can see them both.  “Leave this to the pros.”

 _Then_ why _the_ hell _did you bring me?_  Keith wants to gripe, but he keeps quiet.  In fact, he’s glad he did because, right at that moment, he looks out into the marketplace and sees a head of white hair slip through the crowd.

Shiro.

“I’ll be right back,” Keith mutters, already stepping out and away from them.

“What?”  Lance squawks.  “You can’t! We need someone to spot!”

They don’t.  They’re fine.  Keith says, “Kosmo will spot.  Take him with you.”

“ _Keith_ ,” Lance calls, but he’s already gone.

He runs through the crowd, pushing through people until he spots that familiar head of hair peeking above.

“Shiro!”  He calls.

Shiro’s walking merrily down the sidewalk, swinging a bag of something in his hand, oblivious.

“ _Shiro_.”

Keith reaches out and grabs him by the shirt, tugging him out of the street and into the privacy of a dark alleyway nearby.

“ _Whoa_ ,” Shiro chokes out, not even fighting Keith’s pull.  They know each other too well to ever be totally surprised by the other.  It’s like their bodies can sense the other even if their minds cannot. So Shiro doesn’t totally annihilate Keith in his surprise, he lets himself be pulled down the alleyway and pushed against the wall.

“Hey,” Keith breathes, pressing himself up against Shiro on the tips of his toes, bodies flushed together, breathing warmly into his space.

“ _Hey_ ,” Shiro blinks down at him.  “Wow. Where did you come from?”

“Ugh, Lance and Allura needed me for something.  I dunno. What’s this?” Keith grabs the bag in Shiro’s hand but puts it down beside them before Shiro can reply.  But he’s not interested in the bag, he’s interested in the person in front of him. He’s already lacing his arms around Shiro’s neck and tugging him down so he can kiss him.

Shiro’s mouth is so warm and inviting.  After this whole day of feeling uncomfortable and out of sorts, everything comes back into place here, in Shiro’s arms.  Keith kisses him fiercely, relieving a bit of the tension and irritability that’s risen within him. He lets it go here. He leaves it all behind.  He feels held. He feels cared for.

Something inside of him is pulling and unraveling beneath his ribs and he can’t wait.  He wants to get to Shiro now. All of him.

“Whoa,” Shiro whispers as Keith slides his hand up Shiro’s shirt, running his fingers across his chest, reaching up to his collarbone.  Keith has his hands all over him, leaving traces of his touch behind as he delves deeply into Shiro’s accepting open mouth with his own.

It’s when he slips his delicate fingers into Shiro’s pants and begins to unbutton them without restraint that Shiro jolts.

“Take me,” Keith whispers against the vulnerable part of Shiro’s throat.  He presses sloppy kisses to his warm skin. Shiro always smells so good. “Right here.  Right now. I want you to make it hurt.”

“ _Whoa_ ,”  Shiro wheezes, grabbing Keith by the shoulders, but he doesn’t push him off.  If anything, Keith just feels more secure. “Keith. What are you doing? We’re in a public place.”

Keith shakes his head, but backs off a little bit.  “I missed you,” he says. He’s breathing hard.

“I missed you too...”  Shiro tilts his head curiously.  He murmurs low in his throat, “But we can’t just have sex in an alleyway...”

Keith knots his hands in Shiro’s shirt and leans up close against his mouth, “You don’t sound totally uninterested.”

Shiro snorts and raises an eyebrow down at him.  “I mean, of course I _wish_ we could, but what if some poor old lady becomes lost and happens by?”

Keith chuckles lowly as he watches Shiro’s face.  “Mm, yeah, I see the problem. You’d have to stop midway and help her cross the road.”

Shiro laughs and Keith joins in.  Shiro says, “We’ll have plenty of time for that tonight.”

Keith hums lowly, a little disappointed, but he knows Shiro is right.  He lets his forehead fall to Shiro’s chest and he snuggles in there into his warmth.  He feels his energy meter replenishing already. Shiro wraps his arms around Keith and pulls him close.  His hands skim along the bottom of Keith’s hairline. It’s so relaxing. Keith could fall asleep right here.  He cuddles into Shiro’s protection closer.

Keith doesn’t need a birthday, he just needs this.  And he has this. He’s safe here.

“...You okay?”  Shiro asks softly.  Of course he’d be able to pick up on it.

“Mm.”

“You’re upset...”

Keith sniffs and pulls away a bit so that he can look up into Shiro’s beautiful face, at those soft grey eyes of his, the caring concern there.  “I had a bad dream this morning...about you and Kerberos. I woke up and it - it felt like you were dead. And I knew you weren’t... I mean, I knew it.  But at the same time, I was just filled with so much dread... I wanted to get ahold of you, but I couldn’t. I’ve been kind of holding my breath since.”

“Oh...”  Shiro whispers, reaching a hand up to brush the hair from Keith’s face.  “Oh, Keith... I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s okay,” Keith whispers back, placing his head back onto Shiro’s chest and letting himself listen to the steady warm beating of his heart.  “You’re here now. You’re here.” His fingers cling tightly to Shiro’s shirt. “But I was scared...for awhile.”

He’s quiet for awhile as Shiro brushes his hand over Keith’s hair.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” Shiro murmurs quietly into their silence.  “You were sleeping so peacefully when I left... I thought it’d be okay.”

“I’m fine, Shiro, really.  But you know how somedays, you just...remember how things used to be and it feels like you’re there again?  You feel like you’re just that dumb naive teen....the world hopeless all around you. And you’re scared that loneliness you felt then will come for you again?”

“Yeah...”  Shiro murmurs lowly and, of course, Keith knows that Shiro understands.  That’s one thing Keith loves about him. “Of course I do.”

“Those days were so horrible,” Keith lets out a quivering breath, closing his eyes to try to keep ahold of himself.  “I was so lonely. I thought I’d never be happy again.”

“...I know, Keith.  I promise you, you’ll never be that lonely again.  I love you. _We_ love you.  You have so many people around you who care for you, who’d give up everything for you.  I promise you that.”

Keith smiles wetly up at Shiro, reaching down for Shiro’s left hand.  He runs his finger over the ring that’s there - Keith’s promise that he’ll return the favor too, unconditionally.  “I know,” Keith whispers. “We have each other now.”

“Mm.  You and me.”

“You and me,” Keith murmurs, nestling back into Shiro’s hold.

That warmth that he sought so desperately after his father died - it’s here.  The love that Shiro has for Keith is undeniable. Even the dark scared voice in the back of Keith’s head can’t fool him out of that.  Their love is unshakeable.

Shiro pats him on the back.  “We should go home. This alleyway kind of freaks me out.  I don’t want to get knifed or something.”

Keith laughs and rises on his tippy toes to smile into Shiro’s face.  “Don’t worry, Takashi. I’ll protect you.”

“Mmm.  Good.” Shiro grabs him into a big bear hug, swallowing him whole with the flaps of his sweater.  “If that doesn’t work, you can hide in here.”

“Cozy.”

“Mmhmm.”  Shiro is still holding Keith when he blinks, eyes lighting up with a thought.  “Oh, just a second. I need to message someone.” He takes out his phone and starts texting.

Keith frowns, reaching up to touch Shiro’s wrist.  “I thought Pidge said your phone was broken.”

Shiro furrows his brow.  “O-oh. Right.” He leans down and kisses Keith on the mouth.  “I’ll explain later.”

“Later?  What do you mean?  You think you can distract me with a kiss?”

“Yes?”  Shiro says innocently, raising his eyebrows in a hopeful expression.

Keith laughs as Shiro leans in and peppers his face with kisses.

“Is it working?”  Shiro laughs between kisses.

“Mm...  Yes. Yeah.”  He twines his hands through Shiro’s hair and tilts his own head back, giving Shiro free reign to take whatever of Keith that he wants.

Shiro’s mouth is so warm.  Keith lets out a soft fluttering sigh.

“Okay,” Shiro whispers, pulling back, even though his eyes are flickering with want.  “Tonight.”

“You know, I think I want to cancel my afternoon plans to binge that show.  You don’t have any meetings after this, do you?”

Shiro hesitates and Keith says quickly, “cancel them”.

Shiro chuckles as he grabs Keith by the hands and kisses each of his knuckles.  “Such impatience. No, I don’t have any meetings today. Come on. Let’s go home.”

Keith thinks as they make their way home.  It isn’t far, but Keith’s still clinging to Shiro like he needs it.  He has his hand and arm wrapped around Shiro’s tightly.

So Shiro did forget his birthday.  It’s okay if he forgot. Keith’s a little sad, but he’s content in his life now.  His heart isn’t as fragile. Shiro’s right - he has so many people now who love him unconditionally for who he is.  He never thought he’d get that. He’s warm all the time. That cold frightened chill that always seized him in his youth is reserved only for nightmares, and he’s always cured in Shiro’s presence.

So he clings to him, resting his head on Shiro’s shoulder and letting himself be led through the marketplace and home.

The sky is clear and blue.  The weather is so nice. Everyone he loves is safe and happy.  There’s so much to be thankful for.

“...That dream really got to you today, didn’t it?”  Shiro murmurs to him. They’re rounding the corner into their neighborhood.  It’s just a bit more until they get home and then Keith can just cuddle Shiro on the couch for what he hopes can be the rest of the day and night.

“...Just memories,” he says.

Shiro stops him at the door, looking concerned.

“It’s fine, Shiro.  Really. Just tired.  I just want to lay down with you.  Is that okay?”

“...Wait, Keith, I...”  He hesitates. “...I, uh...don’t want you to be mad at me.”

Keith has his hand on the door handle.  “Why would I be mad at you?”

“Well, I...”  Shiro’s phone pings.

“Sounds like your phone works just fine,” Keith raises an eyebrow, pushing the door open.  “Is that why you think I’d be mad? I’ll be honest - I don’t get it. Why were you ignoring me-”

Keith’s delicate sensitive mood is pierced through by a loud booming, “ _SURPRISE!_ ”

He blinks in the face of it, head snapping to the side, looking in, where all their friends wait, confetti and streamers floating through the air over Keith’s head.

He blinks at them all in shock.

“Happy birthday, Keith!”  They shout, bright smiles on their faces.

Everyone’s here.  Pidge, Allura, Lance, Hunk, Matt, Coran.  His mom is leaning against the edge of the couch, smiling warmly at him.  Someone convinced her to wear one of those stupid party hats like the rest of them.  One is even secured on Kosmo’s head, who’s loving every second of the commotion.

“...Guys...”  Keith whispers.  They got one of those personalized banners and hung it across the fans.  That huge chocolate fountain that Lance bartered for at the pawn shop is on their kitchen table, sparkling clean and already sporting the chocolate fountain.  There are red and black balloons tied everywhere. Their counters are filled with food.

Staring at it all is overwhelming.  He thought they had all forgotten. But they hadn’t.  They’re here.

The wound beneath Keith’s sternum tears and bursts free.

And he’s crying suddenly.

Tears streak down his face and he jerks breath into his lungs that is noisy and broken.

“Keith?”  Shiro breathes.

“I’m okay,” Keith breathes, but he brings his hands to his face to try to hide himself and his tears.  He’s the center of all their attention and instead of being cool about it like a _normal_ person, he’s crying.  And he feels all twisted and confused inside and...god.  Coran even has a video camera out and recording. At least he turns it off and shoves it away.

“I’m sorry,” Keith hiccups beneath the confetti that falls from his hair and to the floor.  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m being stupid.”

“Oh.  Keith,” Shiro flounders, stepping around him to shield him from the attention.  He pulls Keith’s hands away from his face and leans in, murmuring lowly. “I’m so sorry...  I knew I should’ve asked. I wanted it to be a surprise but I wasn’t thinking...”

“No,” Keith says, rubbing roughly at his nose.  “No, I’m happy... I’m so happy. I dunno why I’m crying...  It’s just...I’ve been thinking of before. Before all this. Before we all came together, before _you_.  I was thinking today of how I would’ve killed for this, to be right where I am.  I’m so lucky.”

“Keith...”  Shiro whispers, wrapping him up in a hug.

Krolia walks up slowly and Shiro pulls away a bit, but Keith keeps one arm around him.  He reaches for his mom with the other.

“Mom,” he hums happily, pressing his face into the protective crook of her neck.  “I thought you were busy with the Blades.”

“I told them what an important day it was.  No one could stop me. Happy birthday, Keith,” she says, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.  His father used to do that each year. Keith’s heart swells with emotion and his eyes brim over with more tears as he remembers it.  He thinks he can feel him here, the ghost of him.

“I love you,” Krolia whispers, the words burning with emotion in her throat.  “Your father would be so proud of the man you are today.”

“I know,” he can say and he grins up at her, hand still on her shoulder.  “I love you too, Mom. Thanks for being here...” He blinks and tears fall from his eyes, but he’s smiling.  He’s happy. He’s warm.

“ _Keith_ ,” Pidge says, as the rest run up.  “We didn’t mean to make you cry!”

“Come here,” he says, and she tosses her arms around him.  He keeps his hold on his mom. He keeps his hold on Shiro. Everyone makes their way around him, finding their comfortable niche.  They all hug him, offering their birthday wishes. Keith can feel Kosmo sneaking his way between them too. No one’s left behind.

They’re one big happy pile of people.  Keith’s tears have started some in the others.  Coran’s full out wailing.

“I love you guys!”  Coran cries, sniffing roughly.  His feet aren’t even touching the ground for how much he’s sprawled out over them all.

And that’s okay.  It’s totally okay.  Keith laughs. He’s tired.  The dream and his dang overthinking brain wore him down a bit throughout the day, but these people are his family.  He loves them.

Keith is warm.  Keith is held. Keith is loved.

 

When he finally gets ahold of himself, they all sit around Keith and Shiro’s house casually, mingling together happily.  They brought games to play, but they’re busy with each other’s company. It’s not that they don’t see each other often. Keith didn’t see Allura and Lance for hardly a week and it felt like a long time.  But it always feels nice to be together, especially with the house decorated in celebration of Keith.

Keith sits on the couch between Shiro and his mom, resting his head against his mom’s shoulder with his legs sprawls out over Shiro’s.  He’s maybe a little bit drunk and he’s definitely very content and happy. Shiro’s running his hands soothingly over Keith’s legs. So he allows himself to close his eyes to the feeling, letting his soul and heart soak in this moment, in all this happiness.

“Oh, man,” he can hear Lance muttering.  “...The birthday boy’s _asleep_ and it’s still early.  We haven’t even opened presents yet.”

“Oh, let him sleep,” Allura says gently.  “He looks happy.”

“Does that mean we can’t have the cake?”  Hunk and Lance both grumble sadly about it.  “I kind of wanted cake.”

Matt says, “We can still eat it, right?”

“Hey,” Pidge says, frown in her voice.  “Shiro? Where _did_ you put the cake?”

Shiro continues running his hands over Keith’s legs.  “Uh. Well, I went to pick it up, that’s how I found Keith.”  Keith can feel Shiro move beneath him before he stops. “...Oh.”

“Oh?”  Pidge has that tone of voice where she raises an unamused eyebrow.

“We might’ve left it in the alley...”

“The _alley_ ?”  Hunk asks.  “What were you two doing in an _alley_?”

Lance claps a hand over his mouth as a laugh bursts out of him.  “What!”

Shiro burns in embarrassment as Keith shifts, blinking blearily over at Lance and frowning.  “Oh, man,” Shiro says, catching Keith’s eyes. “...I’m sorry, Keith. That was my task for the day.  I completely forgot about it after you found me. I just left it on the ground. It was a really nice cake too...”

Keith chuckles softly, nudging a toe to Shiro’s arm.  “You’re hardly to blame. I wasn’t about to let go of your hands in any case.”

“We could go back?”  Lance says.

“No, let’s not do that,” Allura says.  “Alleyway cake somehow doesn’t sound like the best idea.”

Shiro’s eyes light up with an idea.  “I’ll make one. I don’t know if we have eggs, but I can find an alternative.”

“ _No_ ,” everyone says at once.

Pidge rolls her eyes and hops off her seat.  “I’ll just get another. It’s no big deal. God, all you married folk are helpless, let me tell you.  You see your other half and your brain flies out the window.”

“Kinda like you and computers,” Keith murmurs to her sleepily as she passes by.  She shouts out an indignant, “hey!” as she reaches down to poke his nose, pursing her lips as she tries not to laugh.

“Goodnight, Sleeping Beauty,” she tells Keith.  “You look ready to conk out.”

“Goodnight, Pidge.  Thank you, Pidge. Thank you, everyone...”

He looks around at the faces of all these people, each one of them whom he loves.  They’re here for him. He knows they all have his back. Sometimes they annoy the hell out of him and sometimes they make him so angry he can’t think straight for a few days, but god, what he wouldn’t do for any of them.

He could almost cry again if he wasn’t so tired.

“I love you,” he whispers to them all.  “I love you.”

 

Keith wakes groggily to Shiro carefully laying him down and disengaging his arms from his neck.

“Mmkay,” Shiro murmurs, pressing a kiss to Keith’s temple.

Keith makes a small noise of question in his throat as he blinks around blearily.  Shiro is gently helping Keith to bed. He must’ve carried him into their room. Keith’s in a fresh set of pajamas and Shiro’s pulling the blankets over the both of them.

“Did everyone go home?”  Keith whispers, reaching his hands out for Shiro to cuddle.  At long last...he feels so much relief in his arms.

“Yeah.  Your mom’s staying in the guest room though.  She’ll be staying here for the weekend, I think.”

“Mm.  That was a good surprise.”

“Yeah?”  Shiro whispers hopefully, eyes going vulnerable.  “...You looked a little overwhelmed.”

“I was happy,” Keith says and Shiro’s getting emotional again at that, so Keith leans up sleepily to kiss the budding tears away.  “I _am_ happy.  ...Thank you, Takashi.”

“I love you, Keith.”

Keith pulls back and smiles at him.  “I do have one question though.”

“Anything.”

“...Don’t tell me that chocolate fountain was your idea.”

Shiro starts to laugh, a low rumble in his chest.  Keith can feel the sensation of it rolling through his arms.

“...Oh, god,” Keith chuckles too.  “It _was_ .  I thought it was _Lance_.  You are in so much trouble.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah...  In the morning, when I have more energy.  But for now...I just want to hug you.”

“Okay, good.  It’ll give me enough time to come up with a good excuse.”

“I don’t think you _have_ enough time in the world for a good enough excuse.  It takes up the whole kitchen.”

“But we love chocolate.  And we love fountains. I mean...it’s perfect.”

Keith is laughing.  God, he loves him. He wouldn’t change anything in the world.

“I love you, Takashi.  ...I love you and nothing could ever change that.”

“...Happy birthday, Keith.  I love you more than anything.”

And Keith falls asleep like that, held in the arms of the man he loves most, under the same roof as his mom and their loyal cosmic wolf.

His heart is still warm from the afternoon and night with his family.  It wards away any nightmares.

It’s funny almost...  He was so convinced as a child that he wouldn’t ever find his place.  But he had been so naive. His place is here. Right here. Warm. Loved.

He knows his father is up there, somewhere, among the stars, smiling down at them.  He can feel it.

His birthdays are happy again.  He hopes his dad knows and that, wherever he is, he can be at peace.

Fading from consciousness and into dreams, Keith tells one last person what they mean to him.  He sends it out to the universe, hopes it finds roots and blooms and blossoms.

I love you, he thinks with all the warmth in his heart.

I love you.

I love you.

 

Shiro stirs and blinks down blearily.  In Keith’s sleep, he’s smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> https://twitter.com/go__begreat


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